Mode
of Transport:
Tom Witham was at the wheel, as the Witham Mobile
veered its way towards Steyning. |
Navigation:
Fine. The directions provided by the legendary
Nomad on-line site got us there impeccably, although
their was a moment of confusion at the beginning
as McCarthy thought for some reason that we would
be entering Steyning from the east as opposed
to the west. |
Kit:
The home side wore their traditional home colours
of red and white striped shirts, red shorts and
red socks. Crawley Down were in their changed
strip of all blue. |
Weather:
A rather fresh but clear day. |
Facilities:
The tea hut was one of a fine persuasion, and
the clubhouse was also quite impressive. Witham
also complimented the club on the toilets, as
they were dark which allows for all sorts of fondling
when no-one can notice. 6/10 |
Stadium
Rating:
Not a bad effort for a club in Division Two, one
side was covered and featured a seating stand,
while the other three sides were open to the elements.
Flood lighting was also present. 5/10 |
Food
Rating:
Gerald was on fine form in the tea hut, and cooked
up too astonishingly nice, if not rather hot,
hamburgers with cheese. 7/10 |
Entertainment:
None on offer, although their was a raffle with
first prize of a bottle of lambrini. 0/10 |
Player
who stood out:
There were a number, mostly for Steyning. Keith
in goal was always going to be a bit of a legend,
and this was proven whenever his side didn't get
a decision, and he would just scream the word
"AAAAAAAAAA" at the referee. Steve at
the back for Steyning was also on fine form, giving
away one goal when attempting to head the ball
when it was about a foot off the ground, only
to get his knee caught in the turf and fall over,
leaving a Crawley Down player in on goal. He also
sliced the ball out of play, and generally seemed
to be clueless about where he was playing, wandering
forward every now and then. Also, a special mention
to the Crawley Down assistant manager, who shouted
"Don't worry, he's missed" just as a
Steyning player went to take a penalty, with the
result being that the ball was blasted over the
bar in Jonny Wilkinson fashion. |
Friendliness
of Locals:
Rather friendly. Although we did not get to talk
to many, the general consensus was that Steyning
was full of pleasant people, although admittedly
some were slightly pikie. 7/10 |
Standard
of Local Females:
There were no young local women seen at the ground.
And the older ones were not that nice either.
1/10 |
Flag
Attention:
The flag was forgotten. |
Match
Report:
Crawley Down overcame their hosts with a 4-1 victory
at the Shooting Field. The visitors went into
half time 1-0 up, and were out of sight midway
through the second half, leading by 3. Steyning
missed a penalty, but pulled one back, only to
see Down go straight up the other end and score.
|
Thought
of the Day:
We pondered over how any Steyning player could
keep his penis from being erect when in the shower
with men like Keith and Steve, and came to the
conclusion that the only way it would be humanly
possible would be with some sort of anti-erection
tablet. |
