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Bobby Zamora
Who is he?
Former England
international striker who was one of the main
reasons behind the Albion's double championships
of the early 00s, since when he has carved out a
successful career in the Premier League.
Pros:
"Zamora 25" merchandise sales will go through
the roof. FFP.
Cons: A pretty patchy
injury record over the last few seasons. |
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Stephen Ward
Who is he?
Left back who the Albion pratted around in
signing last season in a bid to save 33p on his
weekly wages, allowing Burnley to nip in and
seal a deal. He won our WAB Player of the Season
Award for 2013-14 on loan from Wolves.
Pros:
Experienced left back.
Cons: Spent
most of last season injured, has a big nose. |
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Elliott Bennett
Who is he?
Popular winger who was outstanding in the League
One title winning side of 2011, rightly earning
a move to the Premier League and Norwich City.
Returned briefly last year for a month after
nearly a year out injured.
Pros:
Popular player first time around, return of the
Heartbeat song.
Cons: Would cost
money. |
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David Lopez
Who is he?
Spanish bloke named David who was given the
original nickname of "Spanish Dave". Brilliant
in his first season including scoring a
beautiful free kick against Palace, not so good
in his second. Recently said he would like to
return.
Pros: Club can hold another
Spanish Day themed game.
Cons: He wasn't very good in his second
season. |
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Andrea Orlandi
Who is he?
Ridiculously
good looking midfielder and the creative star of
the 2012-13 side. He recently left Blackpool
after their relegation but he was obviously
wasted on the beach of a pitch with his silky
touch and beautiful face.
Pros: Would
instantly double the number of attractive
players in the side.
Cons:
*Copy and paste line about being injury
prone* |
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Liam Bridcutt
Who is he?
Two time Player of
the Season for the Albion who followed Gus Poyet
to Sunderland where he picked up the slightly
less glamorous award of Worst Sunderland Player
Ever. Needless to say, he's probably on his way
out.
Pros: We know exactly how good he
can be.
Cons: Struggles to be in the
right frame of mind when he wants a transfer.
Prick. |
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Colin Hawkins
Who is he?
The finest scorer of
own goals in Albion history, he had a glorious
two seasons at the club between 2008-10 with his
finest hour being conceding a penalty and
getting sent off 90 seconds after coming on
against Stockport.
Pros: TSLR can give
away Colin Hawkins masks again.
Cons: We can't score so giving away goals
at the other end isn't the best plan. |
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Craig Noone
Who is he?
Tricky winger who
spent a productive 18 months at the club before
leaving for Cardiff City where he played Premier
League football. He is if you believe the
rumours surplus to requirements in the Welsh
capital.
Pros: Brilliant at karaoke.
Cons: Constant rehashing of the "I tiled
the roof on Stevie G's house" story. |
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Seb Carole
Who is he?
French winger who
played for the Albion in 2005-06. And 2009. And
2010. They say never go back, but they don't say
never go back for a fourth time. There must be a
reason for that.
Pros: Knows the club
from his first spell. And his second. And his
third.
Cons: He wasn't any good in his
second spell. Or his third come to think of it. |
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Dean Cox
Who is he?
Diminutive winger
who came through the youth team to become a
popular player at the club before leaving for
Leyton Orient were he has been one of the O's
best players over the last five seasons.
Pros:
Bought us a Jagerbomb in Savanah, Haywards Heath
the other week.
Cons: Hangs around in Savanah using
celebrity status to buy Jagerbombs. |
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Robert Codner
Who is he?
Striker who played
for the Albion in the mid 90s and would be
brilliant one week, shocking another. This
variation in performance may be explained by the
time the police allegedly found a lot of cocaine
in his car.
Pros: Coke fuelled
performances.
Cons: Coke fuelled
performances. |
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Paul McShane
Who is he?
The only man to
score a winning goal at Selhurst Park in a
generation while on-loan from Manchester United
in 2005-06. He has since played with some
distinction in the top flight with Sunderland,
West Brom and Hull.
Pros: 100%
performance guaranteed every week.
Cons: Has
already signed for Reading. |
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Dave Cameron
Who is he?
Bought himself out of the army to sign for Micky
Adams in 1999. Fast forward nine months and he
was hauled off away at Hull after less than 20
minutes with Alan Cork describing him as
"useless" in the post game interviews.
Pros:
Has got a face transplant, turned from being
Scottish and been elected PM.
Cons:
Cork was right, he was bloody useless. |
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David Beasant
Who is he?
Veteran goalkeeper
who became a popular player during a brief spell
in 2003. Was once found lying on the floor of a
kebab shop in West Street at 3am with a can of
beer and a cigarette after a Tuesday night 0-0
draw with Palace.
Pros: Upturn in
trade for the neglected Brighton pub scene.
Cons: Is now 56. Despite which, he was on
the bench for Stevenage last season. |
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Yaser Kasim
Who is he? Iraqi midfielder we sold to
Swindon. Sami Hyypia asked the club to enquire
about him after our Capital One Cup meeting last
season, only to be told rather embarrassingly we
were the ones who sold him to the Robins.
Pros:
Young player with potential to get even better.
Cons: Bit embarrassing after we basically
said he wasn't good enough. |
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Michael Mahoney-Johnson
Who is he?
Had a brief loan
spell from Queens Park Rangers in the memorable
1997-98 season. Wikipedia lists him as "one of
the worst QPR players ever" and "one of the
worst Brighton players ever". He now works at
Heathrow Airport.
Pros: Contacts at
Heathrow could mean cheap flights for the club.
Cons:
Everything that doesn't involve cheap flights. |
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Warren Aspinall
Who is he?
Midfielder who ended
his career with the Albion through injury less
than a season after arriving from Colchester
United. Can now be heard struggling to pronounce
names during BBC Sussex's match day coverage.
Pros:
His lack of pace always made us feel like we
could be pros.
Cons: Radio commentary
would lose around 33% of it's entertainment. |
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Wayne Bridge
Who is he?
Former England left
back who spent the 2012-13 season on loan at The
Amex during which he was absolutely outstanding
and a real joy to watch, particularly when
trapping Wilfried Zaha in his back pocket.
Pros:
Frankie. Frankie. Frankie.
Cons: There
are literally none if Frankie comes to games. |
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Ian Chapman
Who is he? Another club legend, the home
town boy who came good to put in ten years of
hard service before being released at the end of
the the season in which he was voted Player of
the Season.
Pros: Return would mean
he definitely gets that deserved testimonial.
Cons:
Would be hard to lure from Burgess Hill where he
is doing great things. |
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Emeka Ifejiagwa
Who is he? Nigerian defender who rocked up
in 1998 from Charlton, scoring once in two
appearances and looking like an absolute beast.
It was of course too good to be true as a
problem with his passport saw him deported
shortly after.
Pros: Can have the long
and successful Brighton career he was cruelly
denied.
Cons: Immigration is a current hot topic
so he'll probably be deported again. |
