DJ Jurgen Locadia makes permanent move from Brighton to Bochum

DJ, Instagram influencer, fashion icon and part-time footballer Jurgen Locadia has left Brighton to join German side Vfl Bochum four years after the Albion paid a club-record £14 million for his services.

The terms of DJ Jurgen’s return to the Bundesliga – where he had previously played on-loan with Hoffenheim – have been described as undisclosed.

It is therefore likely that Brighton have cut their losses and allowed Jurgen Locadia to leave for Bochum on a free. If that is the case, then it brings to a close another astonishingly bad piece of transfer business – in a footballing sense at least – to go with Alireza Jahanbakhsh, who cost £17 million six months after Locadia’s signing.

Two record buys signed in back-to-back transfer windows for a combined cost of £31 million have now been let go for nothing after failing to make the grade in the Premier League. Ouch.

Locadia though has provided so much more than goals (not hard, admittedly) during his time in Sussex thanks to his extracurricular activities. “I heard you, but I see how you coming,” as the great man himself once wrote on Instagram.

DJ Jurgen arrived from PSV Eindhoven in January 2018 for football reasons amid much fanfare, partly because Albion fans were desperate for the club to sign a striker. Any striker.

Those who paid a little more attention wondered how a forward with no noticeable attributes as a target man or hold up player would fit into Chris Hughton’s successful 4-4-1-1 formation of the time, in which Glenn Murray and Pascal Gross were thriving.

The answer was that he couldn’t. Alarm bells started ringing on Locadia’s debut when he missed a glut of easy chances against the might of League Two Coventry City in the FA Cup. He did eventually score against the Sky Blues as the Albion progressed via a 3-1 victory.

Locadia then notched on his Premier League debut after coming off the bench as Swansea City were dismantled 4-1. From that point on though, it was never plain sailing.

Within three months of his signing for Brighton, Locadia gave an interesting interview to The Argus in which he admitted he did not like heading the ball as he was rubbish at it. Not exactly what you want to here from the most expensive signing your club has ever made.

Still, Brighton fans hoped that with a good pre-season under his belt in the summer of 2018, Locadia could hit the ground running for his first full Premier League campaign.

That was until he rocked up to a friendly at AFC Wimbledon, missed 17 easy chances and then subbed himself off with what looked like a snapped enthusiasm.

DJ Jurgen next decided to concentrate on his music career, releasing a new album in the autumn of 2018. At the same time, he managed to fall over his own leg when presented with an open goal away at Southampton and then somehow put a free header over the bar from four yards out in defeat at Burnley.

Locadia’s best period on-the-pitch as a Brighton player came following his chart debut. He scored against Arsenal and Everton as Brighton took four points from their Christmas 2018 fixtures.

He also played a role in the run to the FA Cup semi finals, scoring important goals in the fifth round against Frank Lampard’s Derby County and in that dramatic quarter final away at Milllllllllllllllll which the Albion eventually won on penalties.

Locadia backers maintained that the arrival of a more attack minded manager in Graham Potter would get the best out of the striker. Potter though did not need long to make his mind up on Locadia, sending him on loan to Hoffenheim by the end of that August’s transfer window.

When Hoffenheim cut Locadia’s long short by six months, he was next off to the MLS. This was perhaps the most damning judgement of his ability as he managed only two goals as FC Cincinnati finished bottom of the pile. Cincinnati had a right-to-buy clause inserted into that loan deal but needless to say, they did not exercise it.

And so Locadia returned to Brighton for the 2021-22 season. Whilst the Albion have climbed to the dizzy heights of eighth in the table, he has been busy launching a new fashion brand and becoming an Instagram influencer.

Amongst his most popular posts are Locadia having his hair cut, doing some work on a laptop, looking pensively into a fridge, drinking a cup of artesian coffee, and browsing and then leaving a designer store laden with bags.

It is only in the past six months since discovering DJ Jurgen the Influencer that we here at WAB Towers have truly begun to appreciate what a fantastic man he is.

Without Locadia posting a picture of himself wearing what can only be described as Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, I would never have had the confidence to buy and then step out in public wearing my own poncho featuring pink, green, blue, turquoise, red, yellow and orange.

Yes, Brighton might have been paying him £40,000 a week to play a sport which it turns out he wasn’t very good at.

Goals though are only worth so much compared to meaningful Instagram captions such as: “We are writers, my love. We don’t cry, we bleed on paper.” A Dutch Shakespeare.

Hopefully Jurgen Locadia will continue to release music, clothes and offer inspirational quotes as he has done at Brighton, rather than getting too bogged down at Bochum in stuff like playing football.

Godspeed, DJ Jurgen. You are welcome to pop round for a skinny latte and to take a photo of yourself peering into my fridge anytime you like.