Brighton 4-1 Crystal Palace: Electric Seagulls humiliate Eagles
They say a week is a long time in politics. Four days is a long time if you support the Albion. That is all that separated a 4-0 hammering at Luton Town and one of the great days in Brighton history as Crystal Palace were humiliated 4-1 at the Amex.
You have to go back to Saturday 23rd November 1957 to find the last time the Seagulls put four goals past their arch rivals.
And seeing as the whole hating Eagles thing only began in the 1970s, the 4-2 win that afternoon via a Dave Sexton hat-trick and one from Albert Mundy makes Brighton 4-1 Palace the most glorious result from a Seagulls standpoint in the history of the rivalry.
Our guests from Croydon knew it. How else do you explain the self-proclaimed best fans in the world starting to abandon their team with only 38 minutes on the clock?
By the full time whistle, the away end was half empty. Those self-proclaimed best fans in the world who did remain to the bitter end then began fighting and arguing with their own players, whilst the Amex held a celebratory disco.
4-1 loss away at their rivals…
The Palace fans were FURIOUS after the game despite players apologising 🤬
The Brighton fans bouncing around in the background though… 😬😅#CPFC #BHAFC
— FanHub (@FanHub) February 3, 2024
Light shows are one of the most tinpot, manufactured and plastic things about modern day football. On this occasion though, it was glorious.
A club frequently referred to as plastic by Palace supporters rubbing the noses of the visitors in it via the most plastic way possible. No wonder they were frothing at the mouth with anger.
What Brighton 4-1 Palace confirmed is something fans of both clubs have known for some time. That the two rivals are on different trajectories right now.
Brighton are still in the FA Cup, Europa League and fighting to qualify for Europe for a second successive season. The Albion have a state-of-the-art stadium and a chairman with a long-term vision.
Said long-term vision has built a squad of some of the finest young players in the world, being nurtured under a manager in Roberto De Zerbi whose team plays a unique brand of risky yet rewarding football.
The risk being when it does not work, you end up with results like Luton Town 4-0 Brighton. The reward being when it does work, you can embarrass Crystal Palace to the point their fans are comfortably back home in Croydon from a 3pm kick off by the time The Masked Singer starts at 6.25pm.
Palace in contrast are content just to tread water in the Premier League each season. Despite being in the top flight for over a decade, they do nothing more than aim to survive.
That lack of ambition from Steve Parish and his fellow owners was summed with the decision to give Roy Hodgson a new contract in the summer.
Palace could have been brave and appointed a young, up-and-coming coach like De Zerbi in attempt to do more than finish in the bottom half every season. Instead, they stuck to what they knew and opted for a 76-year-old.
Whilst Brighton were busy hammering Palace 4-1, I actually felt sorry for Hodgson. He should be at home, putting his feet up and looking back at one of most eclectic careers of any English manager, taking him from Sweden to Italy to Switzerland to Denmark to Finland to, er, Croydon.
Instead, he cut a lonely figure stood on the touchline as the Amex serenaded him with a second half chorus of “Roy Hodgson, we want you to stay.” Brutal.
It took just three minutes for Hodgson and Palace’s nightmare afternoon to take a turn for the worse. Brighton won an early corner, Pascal Gross swung over a pinpoint delivery and Lewis Dunk rose tallest at the far post to head home.
Any latecomers would have missed it. Anyone taking the risk of buying a bottle of drink without a lid risked losing its entire contents just 180 seconds into the game. That fate befell my £3.90 (THREE POUND NINETY) bottle of water.
Not that losing the contents of a £3.90 (THREE POUND NINETY) bottle of water mattered in that moment. Dunk had just scored right in front of those fans who have spent years abusing him over an alleged crime he was found not guilty of in 2013.
The Albion captain thoroughly enjoyed the moment. The Amex thoroughly enjoyed the moment. It almost went unnoticed that Brighton had managed to score from an actual set piece. Confirmation of just how shit Palace were.
Losing their own captain and England international Mark Guehi to injury midway through the first half might have provided a convenient excuse for Palace to explain away a 4-1 defeat to Brighton. That neither Hodgson nor Eagles fans sought to use it tells you the Albion were simply better.
There were chances for Brighton to increase their lead before Guehi limped off. Joao Pedro would have been one-on-one with Henderson had Joachim Anderson not blocked with his hand when making a sliding last-man challenge. The strange outcome from that moment being De Zerbi earning the first yellow of the afternoon.
Facundo Buonanotte then headed a Joao Pedro cross at Dean Henderson. Brighton by this point where already taking the piss, playing one-touch passing triangles to leave black shirts running around helplessly like dogs chasing their tails.
Two goals in as many minutes just past the half hour mark sewed up victory for the Albion. The outstanding Tariq Lamptey crossed from the left and Jack Hinshelwood produced a looping header into the opposite corner.
Water having already been squandered thanks to Dunk, this time it was the turn of a steak pie to go flying in the West Upper with devastating consequences to a set of canvas shoes. The best part of £10 of food and drink items wasted because of two goals. Paul Barber must have been loving it.
There was no water, pie or any other sustenance left to lose when Buonanotte made it 3-0 just 60 seconds later. Albion fans had barely finished celebrating Hinshelwood scoring when his fellow teenager curled a left footed effort into the top corner.
Gross won possession back straight from kick off and combined with Pedro, setting up Buonanotte to send the Amex and De Zerbi delirious.
The Albion head coach celebrated by charging into the crowd, as if he too had been waiting 11 years since the St Patrick’s Day Massacre to see Palace pulled apart by Brighton. What a man.
A state of happy shock is how best to describe the atmosphere on the concourses at half time. “How can we fuck this one up then?” was a popular question doing the rounds, even though every Palace supporter and any neutral watching knew it was already game over.
One Albion fan meanwhile had impressively managed to miss all three goals, arriving to their seat five minutes late with Brighton 1-0 ahead.
They then needed a piss on minute 32, missing Hinshelwood and Buonanotte scoring in minutes 33 and 34. One to tell the grandkids, that.
Palace introduced the half-fit Michael Olise at the break in a desperate attempt to rescue something from the game. Olise lasted a grand total of 11 minutes before signalling to the bench he could not play on, having snapped his enthusiasm.
Brighton noticeably took their foot off the gas in the second half. Palace subsequently pulled one back on 71 minutes when Jean-Philippe Mateta headed a Daniel Munoz cross beyond Bart Verbruggen.
Was this the start of Brighton fucking it up? For the next five minutes or so, there was a bit of tension in the air. Unnecessary you might think, but Albion supporters have seen enough weird and wonderful stuff through the years to know Palace scoring twice more was not beyond the realms of possibility.
Brighton though regained their composure before adding their fourth with five minutes remaining. An outrageous flick from substitute Danny Welbeck put Pedro in and he produced a superb finish with the outside of his right boot for goal number 19 of the season.
Pedro headed towards the North Stand, producing a celebration assured of a place in the history of the Brighton versus Palace rivalry.
One…two…three…four… Pedro counted down with his fingers, before making a cutthroat gesture to indicate Palace had been killed.
An iconic moment to end an iconic afternoon.
